A tongue in cheek look at some new hotel posibilities.
EVERYONE it seems these days reckons they can run a hotel, and not just every anonymous correspondent on TripAdvisor.
Now Ikea, the self-assembly Swedish furniture brand that made the Allen key one of the world?s most universal tools, has announced plans to open 100 budget hotels across Europe. Of course, it's not the first time that a major, non-traditional hotel industry brand has diversified, sometimes unsuccessfully, in to hospitality.
Some of the most notable examples are airlines, such as the Japan's ANA and JAL and the Scandinavian carrier SAS. Then there are designer brands such as the Spanish shoe-maker, Camper and the fashion designer, Versace, who operate hotels under their label names.
So, based on the above theory that anyone nowadays can establish and run a hotel chain these days, here's the Doc's own take on potential branding possibilities and scenarios:
Welcome to Hotel Ikea, where we keep rates low by asking our guests to make their own bed. That’s right - please take several minutes, or as long as you IQ demands, to carefully read the instructions on how to self-assemble your bed, as well as side tables, wardrobe, coffee table etc. Should you experience difficulties with self-assembly please do not contact reception as we can never work it out either.
Republic of Ecuador
The proud peoples of Ecuador, and our newest citizen, Senor Julio Assange, hereby invite you to enjoy your stay at Hotel Asylum (aka Hotel Last Resort). You’ll be accommodated in the complete comfort of spare closets at our embassy.
Welcome to Hotel Qantas. Please be aware that the management is currently involved in an ongoing make-or-break industrial dispute with housekeeping that may see you tossed out of your room in the middle of the night, just as regrettably occurred to our airline passengers last year (my, how time flies).
But please do be assured that you’re the reason we run this hotel and that we plan to spend the next year, and millions of dollars in marketing funds, sucking up to you to make amends.
The Commonwealth of Australia
On the behalf of the Commonwealth of Australia, and the Federal Opposition, we welcome you to Resort Oz, Nauru and wish you a pleasant stay. Do accept our apologies that accommodation at your preferred destination of Australia was unavailable at the time of your arrival.
Please make yourself comfortable in your new island budget resort suite and do forgive the ongoing, urgent renovations. We’re sure that once you’re settled in you’ll never want to leave. In fact, under any future Abbott Government, you may never be allowed to leave. As for Nauru’s tourist attractions please do alert staff at reception immediately should you find one.
Get the picture?